|
PREVENTING DATE RAPE
What is Date Rape?
When a person forces another person to have sex as part of a date, that is date rape. It's sometimes called acquaintance rape. In most cases, the person who is raped is a woman. Here are some things you should know about date rape….
Date rape is a crime.
No matter what it is called - rape is a crime. And a person who rapes during a date, or in any other situation, commits a crime and is subject to punishment by law.
Date rape is a violation of trust.
Any rape is frightening to the person being attacked. Being raped by someone she knows, and perhaps thought she liked, violates a basic trust between friends. We've been taught as children that strangers can be dangerous, but few of us expect people we trust to hurt us.
Date rape is only the rapist's fault.
A person who is raped is never the one at fault. No one ever asks, wants, or deserves to be raped.
Rape and Date Rape Are Not Rare
According to research surveys:
22% of college women had been forced to engage in sexual intercourse on a date.
Significant numbers of men also report unwanted sex.
4% of college women reported they'd been raped in the last six months. Most of the rapes had occurred on college campuses.
Approximately 683,000 adult American women are raped in a one-year period. That means 1,871 women are raped each day.
What Is Date Rape And What Isn't?
Recently, the following scenario took place on a college campus. The names have been changed.
Lisa and Robert go out on a date. They have pizza followed by a movie. After they drink a few beers at a local hangout, he walks her back to her dorm room. As they enter Lisa's room, Robert kisses Lisa and starts to remove her clothing.
What happens next will determine whether she is raped or not. Consider these endings to the date. How many could be date rape?
Lisa is groggy from the beers, but she feels comfortable with Robert. Robert asks for sex and she says yes.
Lisa forcefully tells Robert to stop, that she's a virgin, and that she intends to wait until she is married. He slaps her hard, knocking her down. Ripping her clothes, he has sex with her on the floor. After being knocked to the floor, she no longer protests.
She tells him "stop now!" He replies, "Are you kidding? That tight blouse and cut-offs have had me turned on all night. If you didn't want sex, you wouldn't have worn them." She resists but he overpowers her and has sex with her.
She doesn't tell him to stop as he's unbuttoning her blouse. He gently pulls her to the couch. On the couch, she suddenly indicates she wants to stop. He ignores her protests and forcefully continues undressing her and has sex with her.
Here are the answers:
In the first ending, it appears that no crime has been committed. However, because both parties may have been under the influence of alcohol, the consent may be questionable.
Half of all rape victims are afraid of being killed or seriously injured during the rape. In the second ending, the woman stopped resisting for fear of just that. She has been raped by her date.
A man on a date cannot justify raping the woman by using the excuse that her dressing provocatively caused him to do it. The man is responsible for his own actions. Only he can stop the rape from happening.
Once the woman has said "no" to her date's advances, no matter when she says it before she's actually raped, she's indicated that consent hasn't been granted. If the man continues, he is raping her.
In three of these examples, the man is liable for prosecution and punishment if found guilty in a court and/or may be subject to campus disciplinary action.
What Are The Effects Of Date Rape
Physical Effects
Many date rape victims suffer physical effects. They may have bruises, cuts or even broken bones. They may be at risk for pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS.
Emotional Effects
The psychological effects caused by rape leave scars that may be long lasting. Immediately after the rape, a person may seem calm, but actually she may be in shock. Or she may be outwardly upset, indicating anger or feelings of guilt. She may even appear to be inappropriately carefree about what has happened to her. Here are some of the feelings people report:
Disbelief Anxious
Fearful Powerless
Ashamed Embarrassed
Depressed Guilty
What Causes Date Rape?
Date rape may be the result of differences in the attitude men and women have been taught about sex and violence. Or it may be caused by differences in the expectations men and women have concerning their personal relationships. Here are some typical statements by college students:
"Some men just don't get it. They think if you flirt with them you must want sex. Flirting is fun and both parties can get a kick out of it, but being forced to have sex is not fun. It's degrading." Suzanne
"Getting a date to have sex is all part of a game that I won't lose. And when the guys see a lady leave my room, they immediately want to know if I scored." Kevin
"If my date doesn't want to have sex, why does she wear a super short skirt and open blouse? She knows she's turning me on and that she's sending me a signal that she wants it. She might say 'no' but her body says 'yes'." Martin
"Some men don't respect women. If they did, they wouldn't try to force them to have sex." Dorrene
"I like to get my dates to have a few drinks - just to loosen them up. Make sure they don't know the word 'no'." Carlos
"Sure, I have sex with my dates sometimes. But I always want it to be my decision. I don't want to drink so much that I can't think clearly or can't enjoy the experience. And I definitely don't want some guy forcing on me." Pamela
"Guys aren't the only ones forcing themselves. I've had dates where I did things I really didn't want to do, and I ended up not respecting myself in the morning. I'm beyond having to prove my manhood." Gerald
"Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe in abstinence. I won't have sex until I'm married. And I'd like to go on dates and enjoy the company of a man without the expectations of sex." Jane
What Should You Do If You're Raped?
Get medical attention. Go to the Student Health Service, a hospital or see a doctor right away.
A medical examination is important. The doctor you see or the attending physician at the hospital should collect specimens and make detailed notes about the physical evidence, such as bruises, cuts, torn clothing, and traces of semen. You can decide later not to pursue legal action against the attacker, but if you don't permit evidence to be collected now, you will not be able to retrieve it later. You should be tested later for sexually transmitted diseases, such as AIDS, and if a woman, pregnancy.
Don't wash or change clothes. By washing or changing clothes, you could be destroying evidence you can use against your attacker.
Report the crime to the police and/or Dean of Students. After a police officer takes your statement, you can decide whether to press charges. If your attacker is another student at the university, provide evidence to the Dean of Students and cooperate with any disciplinary process the university my initiate.
How To Help A Friend Who Has Been Raped
If a friend has been raped, give her the assistance and support you'd want to receive.
Stay with her. Listen to her. Be reassuring.
Encourage her not to destroy any evidence by washing herself or by changing clothes.
Encourage her to seek medical help and an examination. Offer to go with her, and go if she wants you to.
Encourage her to report the crime. Offer to go with her to the police.
Reassure her that however she reacted during the assault, she did the best she could do at the time.
Encourage her to talk to a counselor.
How Can Men and Women Prevent Date Rape?
Men and women should understand that…
Rape is a crime of violence. It's against the law, and you can be arrested, prosecuted, and convicted for it.
Any person has the right to say no to sex at any time.
Whenever your date says, "No - stop," no matter when she says it or how softly she says it, you'd better stop. Otherwise, you will be committing rape.
Being under the influence of alcohol or drugs is not an excuse. If she's drunk and can't tell you to stop, it's still rape. If you're drunk and "don't know what you're doing," it's still rape.
Be clear and firm. When you say "No", don't smile or act friendly. Don't worry about being polite. If your date persists, say something like, "Stop it. I'm not enjoying this. Don't force me."
Let your date know your limits before you get into a situation you can't control.
Don't leave a party, concert, or a ball game with someone you just met.
Suggest your own ideas about what to do on dates. Meet in public places, and stay in public places, not in someone's house or room.
End the date early if your date becomes drunk.
Stay away from anyone who treats you badly. This includes someone who may have sexually harassed you in the past.
Stay alert. Awareness and common sense are your best weapons against date rape.
Remember that your body is yours. No one has the right to touch you unless you want it.
Trust your instincts. If you think something's not quite right or you feel uneasy, get to where there are other people or tell your date to leave - NOW.
Be Assertive.
DON'T…
Abuse alcohol or drugs on a date.
Spend time with someone who doesn't seem interested in your welfare.
Assume that you are strong enough physically to stop someone from forcing you to have sex.
Communicate with your date. The best way to avoid a rape charge is to have a straightforward conversation with your date about whether she wants sexual intimacy. Also discuss whether you are both protected against pregnancy and against sexually transmitted diseases, such as AIDS.
If You're Attacked…
Every rape situation is different. Do what you have to do to get out of it. If you believe your life may be in danger or that you might be seriously injured if you fight, don't resist.
Use Your Mind
Remember that your goal is to escape safely. Look for distractions to take his mind off you. That second or minute he's distracted might give you time to escape or seek help.
Use Your Voice
Scream for help. Men seem to take women more seriously when they scream.
Use Your Body
Use a physical self-defense maneuver. Know his vulnerable target areas…eyes, neck, nose, ribs, knees, instep, groin. Know your effective weapons against those areas…fists, feet, knees, elbows, head, and teeth.
Don't hesitate to use your body weapons against those target areas.
Date Rape Is A Serious Crime
No one asks or deserves to be raped.
Date rape violates the law and ignorance of the law is no excuse. Not knowing that date rape is against the law will not save the offender from having to deal with the criminal justice system.
Long-term consequences of a conviction may include serving time in prison, having a criminal record, and losing out on getting a good job.
A person has the right at any time to say no to any sexual act. She also has the right to turn down a partner with whom she previously consented to have sex. THESE ARE LEGAL RIGHTS.
|
